Roller coaster !
This week has been a melting pot for emotions. After our Monday visit to the doctor, our prescription was to 'continue what you're doing' but not without a discussion. I had a few questions ranging from wanting to know about blood clots in my legs, to exercises, to inquiring about a temporary handicap parking space until this baby boy decides its time to come out.
As soon as I asked about the parking pass, both the doctor and my husband, Joel, said, "Why?" at the same time. I wish I had a better answer than I did, but it just came out. I said, "So that when spring training baseball starts, we can park close and wheel me in on a wheelchair to see some games from some great seats!" Dr. Rhea laughed at first because I think she thought I was kidding. I wasn't! I love baseball! Not so much on tv, although its looking like tv will be my support system in this instance.
That was an invitation for my husband to throw me under the bus and say that since our last visit, I have begun to think I'm invincible. Totally not true. I haven't cooked, cleaned, functioned as a normal human for 31 days! Folding laundry on the couch is hardly a contribution. Having a two year old while on bed rest is torture on so many levels.
We didn't talk much on the way home, and he knew I was upset. What did I want? I wanted him to celebrate my persistence. I wanted him to tell her how wonderful I have been. I wanted him to say that even though it has been hard on all of us, we are all doing a great job and we are going to get through this.
I needed to know he is on my side. Dr. Rhea said we could revisit the baseball conversation after I reach 32 weeks. I knew she was right, and I knew my question wasn't going to receive the answer I wanted to hear...just thought I might try anyway.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
28 Days on Bed Rest...
Here we are, now March 5, 2013...twenty-eight days on bed rest. A lot has happened in the past seventeen days, so let me fill you in!
Not this past Monday, but two Mondays before (day 12 b.r.), Joel and I drove to our weekly ultrasound to check the length and strength of my cervix. Wait a minute, I need to back up again. When we first found out that we were indeed pregnant and went to the 8 week ultrasound to first hear the heartbeat, there were a lot of emotions in the room, but none that you would expect. Although I was smiling and calm, deep down, I was praying that everything was going to be normal this time. Did I share those thoughts with Joel, heavens no...I'm the calm one, remember? Joel was there and supportive, however strangely quiet and reserved. I felt as though I was alone, and wanted nothing more than to have the excited, joyous, happy moment with my husband as we saw our 2nd baby on the screen mounted on the wall.
As we left the appointment, with good news from the doctor, we got in the car and I was upset. All I wanted was for Joel to grab my hand, or hug me, or smile...do anything to share that moment together. It wasn't until a week later, that I found out what was really going on. Joel was scared to death. I was so wrapped up in what I wanted, and expected, that I hadn't considered how frightening the possibility of another birth story like Jett's must have been for him. After apologizing, I then realized that he needed my support, as much as I needed his. I wanted to rewind to that 1st month of pregnancy so that you can put yourself in Joel's shoes, as I try to do each time we go for another ultrasound.
Back to the Monday, two weeks ago...as the technician attempted the ultrasound, it was stopped right away. As she proceeded to say, "This is going to be cold," she forgot to tell me that she is not the slow entry type! As soon as she began, I was in instant pain. I started to tear up, and Joel asked her to stop. We were of course scared that something was wrong, but I tried to reassure Joel and myself that it was just because she had me lying flat instead of up at an angle like every time before.
The technician said, "I'm sorry hon, let me go get the doctor." Dr. Rhea came in, and per my request, put the bed up more at an angle...She 'went in' slowly (sorry if this is too much information) and I didn't have any pain at all. When the doctor viewed the screen, she pointed out that Baby Rickards was squirming around on top of my cervix, and just on the other side, we saw a large, dark mass. Fortunately, it wasn't the kind of 'mass' that would send me for further treatment...unless you call "Drink a lot of fluids and maybe eat some more P-fruits to move things along!" OH MY GOSH!!!!!! Poop? I was mortified! While we all laughed it off, it was still painful, and humiliating at the same time.
After the ultrasound was through, we discussed the length of my cervix. It had shortened to 1.9cm. We were then told to head straight to the hospital to pursue a cerclage. Once in the ER, talk about deja vu! The same intake nurse was at the desk that was there when I was admitted for Jett's birth. Joel won her over and dealt with the check-in information, while I was on the phone preparing lesson plans for my class with the substitute. We waited for about an hour until they called my name. Still unsure of what was about to go down, I stripped down to just a hospital gown and climbed in the triage cot...not comfortable enough to be called a bed.
After two hours, the doctor came in and began her consultation. It was determined that my cervix was not strong enough to hold any stitches, and the risk of infection, or rejection of the stitch was too great. All I could think of was the word 'infection' and how she kept repeating it, over and over again. At one point, I felt like that was the only word that she WAS saying. Joel and I were both glad the decision was made for us at that point, and we packed up and went home.
So, two weeks later, we visited the doctor again and received okay news. Although my cervical length is fluctuating, the doctor is happy with the length of 2.6cm and said, "Keep up the good work! Bed rest til the end!"
Back to the Monday, two weeks ago...as the technician attempted the ultrasound, it was stopped right away. As she proceeded to say, "This is going to be cold," she forgot to tell me that she is not the slow entry type! As soon as she began, I was in instant pain. I started to tear up, and Joel asked her to stop. We were of course scared that something was wrong, but I tried to reassure Joel and myself that it was just because she had me lying flat instead of up at an angle like every time before.
The technician said, "I'm sorry hon, let me go get the doctor." Dr. Rhea came in, and per my request, put the bed up more at an angle...She 'went in' slowly (sorry if this is too much information) and I didn't have any pain at all. When the doctor viewed the screen, she pointed out that Baby Rickards was squirming around on top of my cervix, and just on the other side, we saw a large, dark mass. Fortunately, it wasn't the kind of 'mass' that would send me for further treatment...unless you call "Drink a lot of fluids and maybe eat some more P-fruits to move things along!" OH MY GOSH!!!!!! Poop? I was mortified! While we all laughed it off, it was still painful, and humiliating at the same time.
After the ultrasound was through, we discussed the length of my cervix. It had shortened to 1.9cm. We were then told to head straight to the hospital to pursue a cerclage. Once in the ER, talk about deja vu! The same intake nurse was at the desk that was there when I was admitted for Jett's birth. Joel won her over and dealt with the check-in information, while I was on the phone preparing lesson plans for my class with the substitute. We waited for about an hour until they called my name. Still unsure of what was about to go down, I stripped down to just a hospital gown and climbed in the triage cot...not comfortable enough to be called a bed.
After two hours, the doctor came in and began her consultation. It was determined that my cervix was not strong enough to hold any stitches, and the risk of infection, or rejection of the stitch was too great. All I could think of was the word 'infection' and how she kept repeating it, over and over again. At one point, I felt like that was the only word that she WAS saying. Joel and I were both glad the decision was made for us at that point, and we packed up and went home.
So, two weeks later, we visited the doctor again and received okay news. Although my cervical length is fluctuating, the doctor is happy with the length of 2.6cm and said, "Keep up the good work! Bed rest til the end!"
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Snow and Sitting...
February 17th, eleven days on bed rest and counting...
Up until a recent conversation with a fellow preemie parent and good friend, I have been a bit skeptical of this bed rest plan. I have never doubted the doctor's decision, but I know now that I was resistant. Even with everything that we went through with Jett's birth, I really thought that I was going to be the 'one' that was an exception...that this pregnancy was going to be as normal as anyone else's, and that I would be able to complain with the rest of the mom's that say they couldn't wait to get their 'big' babies out of there. I go back and forth between realizing I was naive and also knowing that giving Jett a sibling will be the best gift we can ever give him.
Let me back up to explain my relationship to the voice on the other end of the phone. Our paths probably would've never crossed if it weren't for our tragic birth stories. Her little boy, born at 29 weeks has had a rough road since the beginning. She talked a lot about how she could never go through it again, and said the words, "If you went into labor right now at 20 weeks, he wouldn't survive." The memories of hospital information then flooded my brain. The fact is, Wake Med and UNC will not attempt to save preemies born before they are 24 weeks gestational age. Duke will take 23 'weekers', but that's anticipating a lifetime of problems. By no means did she know that our conversation would weigh so heavily on my mind, but it did put me in check! Thank you Brooke!
I need to stop fighting this bed rest order and do everything possible to keep Baby Rickards in the oven. The alternative is just unacceptable. As each cheek gets numb, and I rotate to the other side, my goal is to stay positive and remember that we do not want the word 'survive' anywhere near our birthing plan!
Thursday, February 7, 2013
It's Feb.6th, 2013 and Joel and I are expecting and as of today, I am 19wks and 5 days pregnant with our second. Our high-risk obgyn did an ultrasound yesterday and decided to put me on modified bed rest for one week. I am praying that it will truly be only one week because I have a class that I love and a toddler that needs his mommy! It has taken me back though, and I wanted to share our first journey with people we love. Please visit the sidebar to the right to read from the beginning, March 2010. Below is the very first day of Jett's 'too early' journey....
March 11, 2010...My water broke on Thursday night completely out of the blue. I had just gone to the doctor that afternoon for my glucose test and left the office with great news and feeling great! Joel and I went home, cooked some dinner, I had my nightly ice cream treat and while flipping channels between the Georgia Tech game and Idol, a sudden rush of water happened! I had no pain, just confusion. We called the doctor and she said I needed to go to the hospital.
When arriving at Rex, we were told the baby was coming! Obviously not what we've planned, it was a scary night and we had to move fast. Once there, they realized that I wasn't dilated at all but assumed labor would begin in the next 48 hours so they began monitoring me and the baby. They pumped us full of antibiotic IVs because the risk of infection was their first concern. They also gave us a steroid to help his lungs to develop. At 27 weeks, he's obviously wasn't ready yet. But, the good news was that he wasn't going anywhere.
Since Rex is only a Level 2 nursery, they wanted to transport me right away to a Level 3. We traveled by ambulance shortly after to Duke Women's Hospital. We arrived at 1am Fri morning, they assessed me again and moved me to Labor and Delivery at 5am. After two hours of sleep, my internal alarm clock woke me up for school. Needless to say, it was a long night.
March 11, 2010...My water broke on Thursday night completely out of the blue. I had just gone to the doctor that afternoon for my glucose test and left the office with great news and feeling great! Joel and I went home, cooked some dinner, I had my nightly ice cream treat and while flipping channels between the Georgia Tech game and Idol, a sudden rush of water happened! I had no pain, just confusion. We called the doctor and she said I needed to go to the hospital.
When arriving at Rex, we were told the baby was coming! Obviously not what we've planned, it was a scary night and we had to move fast. Once there, they realized that I wasn't dilated at all but assumed labor would begin in the next 48 hours so they began monitoring me and the baby. They pumped us full of antibiotic IVs because the risk of infection was their first concern. They also gave us a steroid to help his lungs to develop. At 27 weeks, he's obviously wasn't ready yet. But, the good news was that he wasn't going anywhere.
Since Rex is only a Level 2 nursery, they wanted to transport me right away to a Level 3. We traveled by ambulance shortly after to Duke Women's Hospital. We arrived at 1am Fri morning, they assessed me again and moved me to Labor and Delivery at 5am. After two hours of sleep, my internal alarm clock woke me up for school. Needless to say, it was a long night.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
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Sunday, August 29, 2010
As of Friday, August 20, 2010.....
Jett weighs in at 12 lbs 6oz! He is happy and healthy although we're not quite out of the woods yet.
The upcoming flu season and RSV season is upon us and although we will all be vaccinated, we pray that Jett stays RSV free! Because he is a preemie, his immune system is much weaker than a term baby and that makes it even more scary. It's funny how some people get offended when you ask them to wash and sanitize their hands, but I've learned that becoming a mom gives you the right to say "NO" to anyone. Not that I didn't have the right before, but maybe not the 'kahunas', if you know what I mean.
I've also come to realize that some people will never get it! The first three months of Jett's life were the most difficult and trying part of our lives. No words will ever be able to convey the gut-wrenching pain you feel as you wait minute to minute, watching your child struggle to survive. With all of that pain, we've learned a huge lesson: take nothing for granted. Why is it that tragedy teaches us the most?
If we could rewind our story and do it all over again, of course we would want Jett to have been carried to term. It would have been so much easier on him, and evidently everyone else too. I look at it differently now. We were given three extra months with our beautiful boy. Three extra months for Joel and I to show him how much we love him by being there every second. We are so lucky to have a healthy little boy that no one's inability to understand will ever bring us down!
Saturday, August 21, 2010
5 Months
First off...So Sorry that it's been so long since my last post! I promise from here on out to stay updated and consistent!! We've had a great summer together, but it's time for Mama to go back to work. I am very blessed to be able to have Fridays off and share my classroom with an amazing teacher, Mrs. Harvey. We will be doing a job share so I can be home with Jett one day, his daddy will have him for two days, and our good friend Dawn will have him the other two.
Grandma and Grandpa from Wilmington were here to visit today! Uncle Josh was here too! We went to the park near our house for some family Bocce ball games and Jett loved every minute of it! Enjoy the pictures :)
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